Installment 1
Brenna watched him walk in, as much in the dark as Ian, and apparently his partner Cassidy, or as she had known him her entire life Cas. Out of the corner of her eye she had seen that quick look that he had given both her and Ian, Ian just thinking his name her mad. The jerk. After the most amazing four days of her life, four days that changed her life she had thought that they had the beginnings of something, but no while she was sleeping after he had worn her out, the louse had snuck out, and never looked back, no note no nothing. She looked at the seat to her right and noticed the look that her best friend and partner Aislin had sent to Cassidy. Wonder what’s going on there?
4 comments:
You:Brenna watched him walk in, as much in the dark as Ian, and apparently his partner Cassidy, or as she had known him her entire life Cas. Out of the corner of her eye she had seen that quick look that he had given both her and Ian, Ian just thinking his name her mad. The jerk. After the most amazing four days of her life, four days that changed her life she had thought that they had the beginnings of something, but no while she was sleeping after he had worn her out, the louse had snuck out, and never looked back, no note no nothing. She looked at the seat to her right and noticed the look that her best friend and partner Aislin had sent to Cassidy. Wonder what’s going on there?
Me: Brenna spotted Ian, before his eyes landed on her. The instant that she spotted him, her heart started beating fast. She hoped that no one could actually see how fast her heart was beating. She was going to remain calm, especially, after seeing the surprise on his face too. It's obvious that both of them were left in the dark, about the other being here. Well, they had a third partner in the surprise - Cassidy or better yet, Cas - the name that Brenna has called him, her entire life.
Out the corner of her eye, Brenna saw the quick look that Cas has given her and Ian. Ian! Just thinking about his name, made her mad. The jerk.
How could Ian treat her like crap?
They had spent four amazing days together. Well, to her, those four days were amazing. They changed her life. She actually thought that they were starting something, but she was wrong big time. She was the romantic that has gotten her heart broken by the louse that gave her a night of passion and as soon as she had fallen asleep, he left with no explanation. That night was the last time she has heard from the runaway jerk. Everytime, Brenna thinks about what Ian has done to her, she can feel the knife being turned in her heart. It truly hurt Brenna, to konw that Ian didn't see her as being anything, but a fling.
Brenna had to stop giving her thoughts to Ian. She looked at the seat to her right and noticed the look that her best friend and partner, Aislin had just sent Cassidy. What’s going on there?
Arch,
Thanks again for doing this...I feel like sometimes I am in a rush to get the story down that I am not very clear. BTW you might not see the changes here but I am making them in the actual manuscript.
Chloe
You are welcome Chloe. I hope that I am not changing your story. I'm a writer and I am so sorry, if that's what I am doing. I don't know how much you had to write for this contest. The deadline is almost here.
Arch,
I have to write a story with a max of 4000 words. As the story has progressed it is looking like I am going to be over it.
Don't worry you aren't changing the story. You have just shown a better way to say the same thing.
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