Monday, January 19, 2009

part 1

Ian walked into the room and immediately noted all the people in the room. His commanding officer Ace, not that was his real name, no one knows his real name, for as long as Ian had known him he had gone by Ace. He gaze shifted to the others in the room he stopped, Shit, what the hell is going on, and why is she here. He glared at her, as she glared right back at him. The last time he had seen her, he had been walking out the door of the hotel room that they had been holed up in for four days. Four days where they had had at each other every way imaginable. He had never thought that he would see her again, or rather had hoped to never see her again, because he knew something that she didn’t and hadn’t then, she had the power to change his life, to make him walk away from the life that he had, and loved. He walked around the table and took a seat next to his partner Cassidy, he glanced at Cassidy to see if he knew what was going on. He shook his head and shrugged his shoulders in answer to the unspoken question that Ian had posed.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Please see: ( ) It might not make sense.

Ian walked into the room and immediately noted all the people in the room. His commanding officer Ace, not that was his real
name, no one knows his real name, for as long as Ian had known him he had gone by Ace.

(His commanding officer, Ace - that wasn't his real name, no one knows his real name - for as long as Ian had known the commanding officer, he has always gone by the name Ace.)

He gaze shifted to the others in the room he stopped,

(His gaze shifted to the others in the room - someone familiar caused him to stop,)

Shit, what the hell is going on, and why is she here.(?) He glared at her, as she glared right back at him. The last time he had seen her, he had been walking out the door of the hotel room that they had been holed (hold) up in for four days. Four days where they had had at each other every way imaginable.

He had never thought that he would see her again, or rather had hoped to never see her again, because he knew something that she didn’t and hadn’t then, she had the power to change his life, to make him walk away from the life that he had, and loved.

(He never thought that he would ever see her again or better yet, he hoped that he never saw her again, because he knew something that she doesn't and that is, back then, she had the power to change his life and make him walk away from the life that he had and loved.)

He walked around the table and took a seat next to his partner Cassidy, he glanced at Cassidy to see if he knew what was going on.

(Cassidy. He glanced at Cassidy to see if he knew what was going on.)

He shook his head and shrugged his shoulders in answer to the unspoken question that Ian had posed.

Heather said...

Arch,

Thank you so much for the corrections. This is exactly what I was looking for..

Chloe aka Heather

Anonymous said...

You are welcome Chloe.

I hope someone else examine your story. My input may not be the right input.